You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
