you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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