I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
