found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
