i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
