Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
