How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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