Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
