im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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