Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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