I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
