he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
