Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
