thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
