I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
