Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
