My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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