Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
