Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
