I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
whose parrot is this?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
