yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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