I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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