The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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