and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
