4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
