JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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