And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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