The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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