Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
