so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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