Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize