a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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