all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
