I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
