You just made me feel so damn special
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
