i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
