I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
