Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
