Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
