i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
