just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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