Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
