OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
