Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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