sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
