I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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