I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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