I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
