It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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