just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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