Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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