Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
