i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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