I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
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