I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
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