Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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