I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
