that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
We got so high we made milksteak
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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