I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
