And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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