Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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