i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Randomize
