Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
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