wat bout pragnant strippers??
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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