yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Who put my cat in the fridge?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
