The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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