She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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