I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize