he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
