Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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