i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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